


No Such Thing As Ghosts

by urbaninja



Category: Red vs Blue
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/579759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urbaninja/pseuds/urbaninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red Team returns to Valhalla, and finds that their base is not as abandoned as they thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Such Thing As Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written prior to season 10x15. It was a silly idea that popped into my head, and silly ideas deserve to be written in my opinion. 
> 
> Lopez's lines are 100% google translate spanish.

They rolled into Valhalla in the early afternoon.

It was a relief to see the bases still standing, and slightly more welcome than the ones that they had left behind in Blood Gulch. Even though it had been a few years now, if anyone of them was to see that canyon again, it would be too soon. They made their way in, Blue team leading, followed by Carolina and Red Team. The former two didn’t head for Blue base, but rather straight for the crashed ship, despite Tucker’s complaints that he hadn’t even seen the new base yet.

“Sarge, why aren’t we following them?” Simmons asked, as they watched the others drive off.

“Simmons, Red Team has no need for tracking down extraneous information that will ultimately mean nothing to us. We have a far more important mission, securing Red Base! Now step on it, Grif. Before the Blues figure out what we’re up to.”

In Simmons’ opinion, not much had changed. Red Base was still Red Base and he hated it already. They parked out front, noting the large amounts of metal and machinery that was piled in front of the base.

“Yee-haw! Lopez must have been busy making all sorts of new weapons for us,” Sarge exclaimed as he leapt out of the warthog and went to look for the robot. Simmons was about to object but Sarge was long gone.

“Grif, where are you going?”

“To see if the rations in the base are still good. I’m starving.”

“Again? What about those potato chips you ate in the desert.”

“That was only one bag. You can’t expect me to be full after one bag, Simmons.”

“It was one of the big ones!”

“You know they only fill those things halfway right?” Simmons was sure that Grif had rolled his eyes under his helmet, and reluctantly followed the orange solider into the base. Immediately, something felt off. Simmons couldn’t tell what, but something about Red Base seemed different. He looked around. Nothing seemed different, but as they made their way into the base, the feeling got worse.

“Hey, Grif. Do you feel like we’re being watched?” Simmons’ voice was a whisper.

“No. And why are you whispering?” Grif asked.

“You don’t think what Washington said was true, do you? That Command’s going to send someone after us since we’re wanted?”

“Simmons, if Command had wanted to send someone after us, they would have found us by now.” But he sounded unsure, especially as a far away fluttering sound was heard. “I’m pretty if anything moved in, it’s an animal.”

“Like a bat or something?”

“You don’t think it’s bats do you Simmons?” Grif was suddenly a lot closer.

“No, not Bats idiot. It just feels like someone else is here, watching us.”

“You mean like Lopez?”

“I think I’d know if it was Lopez, and he’s outside with Sarge. It feels more, supernatural, like a –“

“If you say a ghost, I’m going to hurt you. Bats are more likely, and we already know there’s no such thing as ghosts. Also we should call an exterminator right away. Bats are a serious problem.”

Above them a light flickered, causing both of them to jump.

“Alright, lets just head outside. I’m sure Lopez can tell us if there’s been anyone suspicious around.”

“Yeah. And he’ll be able to do it in Spanish.”

They crept slowly along the hall.

“Why are we walking so slow?”

“Isn’t that what people do in horror movies?”

“You watch way too many movies.”

“Oh hey guys!”

Grif and Simmons screamed, shoving at each other in order to be the first one out of the base.

“Wow. You guys scream way girlier than I do. Anyway, it’s great to see you guys back here.”

The shoving stopped, and Grif and Simmons stopped to look at each other, and then look behind them to see who had spoken. They both blinked at the slightly pink, slightly transparent figure waving at them.

“Donut?!”

“Grif! Simmons! It’s been so long. I thought you guys were never coming back.”

“I though you were dead!” Simmons said in disbelief. “Didn’t Washington shoot you?”

“I’m pretty sure he is, Simmons. Unless he’s managed to turn himself invisible and it’s wearing off.”

“Grif’s right. I am dead, but I didn’t really want to pass on just yet, so, here I am.”

“So you’re a ghost?” Grif

“Yup.”

“But ghosts don’t exist. We already learned that when we found out Church was an AI.” Grif was skeptical. And trying to sort out what was preferable. Church as a ghost had gotten them into enough shenanigans, but Church as an AI had dragged them into even more, some actually life threatening. Like being dragged off a cliff by a crazy freelancer. Or being punched in the balls repeatedly by a crazy freelancer. If Donut was an AI, it would probably lead to more trouble with more crazy freelancers. But ghosts didn’t exist.

“Grif, I think I would know if I was an AI,” Donut sighed. “But I’m pretty sure I’m a ghost.”

“Well, Church didn’t know. So how do you know? Have you possessed anyone?”

“There’s no one around to possess, except for Lopez, and he was pretty pissed off when I tried that.”

“Todavía estoy, vosotros rosa capullo! Nadie debe poseer Lopez el nuevo pesado! "

“Grif! Simmons! I found Lopez! Now Red Team is officially back in action! Donut, what are you still doing here?”

“Just keeping an eye on Red Base, Sarge.”

“Good man. Anything to report?”

“Not really. It’s just been me and Lopez. I’ve been trying to clean things up a bit, but it’s hard to move things on the material plane. The most I’ve been able to move so far is that flower vase.” Donut indicated the vase, sitting on the table with a wilted flower in it. “As a result, most of my interior decorating plans are kind of on hold.”

“Thank good for small favors. Now, Simmons, go find out what Blue Team is up to.”

“But Sarge, we already know. They went to go look at the crashed ship.”

“Why would they do that?” Donut asked.

“Because we’re on a wild goose chase for some guy called the Director,” Grif explained, “I don’t know how you missed it, Donut, but basically this crazy freelancer chick showed up and bullied us all into helping her. We had to fight our way into a base to get Church and almost died, went back to that place by the ocean where we almost died, and then to the desert, where we almost died.”

“So, same old, same old, then?”

“Yeah, a regular road trip of nostalgia,” Simmons muttered.

“And you came back here, because that crashed ship might have the information she needs. The crazy freelancer chick isn’t Tex again, is it?”

“No, it’s Carolina. But if you could stick her with a grenade, that would solve a lot of our problems.”

“Wish I could, Grif, but I’m still working on picking one up. Those things are heavy when you’re not on the same plane of existence. But the ship should be able to help. Lopez has been working on fixing it for a while now.”

"Sí. Así que por fin tengo a alguien inteligente con quien hablar en este lugar estúpido. Es casi peor que el cañón. Sobre todo porque todos volvieron. "

“Yep, we missed you to, Lopez. Although, I’m not so sure I approve of you doing things to help the enemy. But if you give a tour of everything you’ve done, I might be able to forgive you.”

“I’d hardly consider Blue Team our enemy anymore, Sarge.”

“Fine. Friendenemapanion.”

“Wait, so Blue Team’s back to? All of them?”

“Yup. Caboose, Tucker, and Church. Well, Epsilon technically. And Washington.” Simmons added after a moment.

“Which is why a grenade would be really awesome.”

“I know, Grif. I know. Well, Lopez has been working to get Sheila back online.”

"No voy a dejar que esos idiotas azules destruir lo que he trabajado tan duro! Son casi peor que cuando se trata de la destrucción de las cosas que he creado. "

“Guys, Lopez says that he can help out. We better go see what the Blues are up to. Man. I haven’t seen them in forever.”

"Sí. Ayúdales a destruir mi amor. " The sarcasm, typically, was not regarded.

“We better go quickly. I get the feeling that once Carolina gets the information she’s after, we’ll be on the road again right away.”

“Already? But you just got here. You could at least stay awhile. It’s so boring here.”

“Sorry Donut, but duty calls. Someone has to keep an eye on Blue Team after all. Looks like Lopez is already on it.” Sarge followed the robot out of the base and towards the ship, leaving Grif and Simmons with Donut, who looked at them with a pleading look. At least, they assumed it was pleading. It was always so hard to tell behind the armor. They looked at each other.

“I guess we could stick around and help you clean up a bit or something,” Simmons offered.

“Cleaning Simmons? Really? How long have we known each other?”

“That’s alright Grif. Simmons can help me clean, and you can have some of the leftover rations. It’s not like I’ve been eating them after all. It’ll be just like old times!”

“Yeah. Old times.”


End file.
